A Neuro-atypical Life with High Functioning Autism
Asperger’s Doorknob is a companion site to Blenderkitty.com, and is home to An Aversion to Ladders, a memoir/novel about my late-diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome. My paintings, works on paper, and comics can still be seen at Blender Kitty.
Genesis
and Intention of This Project:
A friendless man who lives practically as a shut-in
is not the most promising candidate for a memoir, but until I came to
understand I had Asperger's Syndrome, it was only my intention to write
a work of speculative fiction. What was required to add an autobiographical
component to the story was surprisingly little. Autism not only informs
the subject matter, but the novel/memoir is itself an autistic creation.
It is not my intention to conceal my life in fiction, but rather to reveal
how my life, in lacking central cohesion, requires a kind of
fiction to be understood.
The
plot:
Imagine someone tells you a spaceship has crashed
into your house—only you don’t know it yet. But the alien
that disembarks cannot exist in space, only time, and only in time in
the form of your preexisting memories. The story this otherworldly presence
would have to tell you is one that has already occurred, and all that
is left for you to do is remember it.
Michael is a hyper-logical man who understands himself in debilitating detail, yet he can only relate to the world outside his door through social logic gleaned from old movies, especially science fiction and screwball romantic comedies. He comes to believe an angel has invaded his house, and lacking corporeal form this entity assumes the guise of his memories: both real remembrances and those transposed from movies. Michael's housebound existence is a metaphor for his undiagnosed autism, and, like Jacob, he must wrestle his fiery angel to secure a blessing from a curse. In the end the angel cannot free him from his house, so leaves him with a window and a starry view.
This film from Chapter Five illustrates my Asperger's trait of finding patterns and pictures in strange places.
"A potpie was placed in the microwave, and the six minutes of cooking time were used to doctor a piece of duct tape masking a hole in his shoe. Some years the indigent man made as little as seven thousand dollars, but he had become wily over the years in hiding his destitution. In this instance, he was employing Chaplinesque ingenuity in painting a piece of taped-over cardboard to match the tread on his sole. He could perhaps work more and afford better footwear, and even better groceries, but preferred working as little as possible and at jobs that required no intelligence and few interactions with others. He needed to constantly remind himself he suffered because he was an artist, not because he was a masochist." –from Chapter One
Why
I am publishing my book on a website:
My creative life divides naturally between acts
of mimicry and abstruseness. Resultantly, every reinvention of myself
(composer, painter, cartoonist, writer…) has been marked by the
same predicament: I am too avant-garde to be mainstream, and too mainstream
to be avant-garde. In a world where success depends on how well you meet
an expectation, I am seen as being too conventional by one set of gatekeepers
and too different by another; yet by any thoughtful inspection, I am clearly
my own thing. Given this reliable misjudgment, and given I can
make no headway against it, I am undertaking to publish my “too
too” book electronically on this website. This does not
mean I am not interested in finding a print publisher for my project.
Any inquiries or advice on potential publishers or agents will be enthusiastically
received at mlteague@blenderkitty.com.
An Aversion to Ladders took four intensive years to write, with tens of thousands of edits that would have been inconceivable without the aid of a computer. Animations, original art, and popup images will be found among these pages, although such devices are employed sparingly and serve to set the mood rather than to illustrate action. Subsequent Flash films preload with each chapter, so if you have a landline, and jump ahead, please allow a minute or two for the next film to load.
Plug-in for Flash Player (if needed).
(This book is not recommended for readers under the age of eighteen.)
An Aversion to
Ladders
Table of Contents:
PART I: Spyglass Darkly House
Prologue: (A Sleep) 1 (A Forgetting) 1 (A Coming from Afar) 1
Chapter One (Heaven and Hell): 1, 2
Chapter Two (The Labyrinth): 1, 2, 3
Chapter Three (Stonesthrow): 1, 2
Chapter Four (The Day the Earth Stood Still, Part 1): 1, 2
Chapter Five (The Day the Earth Stood Still, Part 2): 1, 2
Chapter Six (The Day the Earth Stood Still, Part 3): 1, 2, 3
Chapter Seven (The Day the Earth Stood Still, Part 4): 1, 2
PART II: The Idée Fixe
Chapter Eight (Chaos): 1, 2
Chapter Nine (The Dancing Star, Part 1): 1, 2, 3
Chapter Ten (The Dancing Star, Part 2): 1, 2
Chapter Eleven (A Visitation): 1, 2
Chapter Twelve (The Persistence of Memory): 1, 2
Chapter Thirteen (The Ghost in the Machine, Part 1): 1, 2
Chapter Fourteen (The Ghost in the Machine, Part 2): 1, 2, 3
PART III: The Blind Man
Chapter Fifteen (The Blind Man, Part 1): 1, 2
Chapter Sixteen (The Blind Man, Part 2): 1, 2
Chapter Seventeen (Invasion of the Body Snatcher) 1, 2, 3, 4
Chapter Eighteen (In-Betweenness) 1, 2
Chapter Nineteen (The Unsayable, Part 1) 1, 2, 3
Chapter Twenty (The Unsayable, Part 2) 1, 2
PART IV: The Doppelgänger
Chapter Twenty-one (The Haunted Ruin) 1, 2
Chapter Twenty-two (The Doppelgänger) 1, 2
Chapter Twenty-three (The Bug Collector) 1, 2, 3, 4
Chapter Twenty-four (The Child, Part 1) 1, 2
Chapter Twenty-five (The Child, Part 2) 1, 2, 3
PART V: Intangible Gift
Chapter Twenty-six (Infinity) 1, 2
Chapter Twenty-seven (The Sublime) 1, 2, 3
Chapter Twenty-eight (The Black Box) 1
Chapter Twenty-nine (The Object Lesson) 1, 2, 3
Chapter Thirty (The Unknowable Thing-in-Itself) 1, 2
Chapter Thirty-one (The Day of Eternal Noon) 1, 2
Epilogue: (Mirrors and Windows) 1 (The Balance of Memory) 1
Calendar:
· Start date for notes on story: mid-September
2003
· Start date for manuscript: late October 2003
· Unofficial finish date for manuscript and art: late December 2007
· Official finish date: mid-January 2008
· Reformat (2/18/08)
· Edit of Note: I have embellished the scene in Chapter Three where Michael leaves a note for his sister telling her he is moving away. This note, unread, is later retrieved in a rewritten section of the second Epilogue. There is also a motif added in the same Chapter Three scene about the family house being for sale, and a motif about a boarder moving in is added to Chapter Five. The house sale is resolved in Chapter Thirty-one, although the boarder remains an open question in the second Epilogue. These elements are supplied to not only reinforce the ambiguity of the ending but also to underscore Michael’s unshakable connection to the house. (6/01/08) See Companion Notes Update (6/03/08)
The Modules : This link takes you to a portal page where companion notes, the DSM-IV Criteria for Asperger's Syndrome, and present and future projects arising from my book can be found.
About
images used on this site:
All images in this book that are not my own are
used purely for identification and educational purposes. Where no copyright
is involved, a given link will open a given image. Where copyrights might
be involved, I have a "fair use rationale" posted under each
picture.
Intended
readers:
If you do me the honor of reading my memoir/novel, and find merit in it,
the highest compliment you can pay me is to recommend this site to others.
All other welcomed comments can be sent to me at: mlteague@blenderkitty.com
Book Copyright© 2007 Michael Teague. All rights reserved.
Site Copyright© 2008 Michael Teague. All rights reserved.
